The discipline that I would like you to experience is to make a decision that nothing is more important than that you feel good, and that you are going to find thoughts that feel better and that you love been you. You are created to live an expansive, exhilarating, good-feeling experience. It was your plan when you made the decision to become focused in your physical body that you would lose weight and gain fitness. You were born with the knowledge that you are a powerful human being that you are genuinely good; that you are the creator of your experience. Act the way you want to be even though you don’t feel it yet. Adopt this attitude and the mental state will follow. Focus on your needs for today and then consider some one else’s needs. Reach out to them give your love unconditionally and you will receive back love tenfold. The condition of love always raises our spirits. Feel love for yourself and the people close to you. Make the experience it is beautiful.
Meet this day with love for you and for others and a smile you will find its return to you many times in the day. This helps us to continue on our journey of discovery about ourselves and how we behave and what matters to us in this life and this day. The important thing is to keep on our food regime do not waver. Continue in our exercising routine and to be happy, joyous in doing these exercises and to be happy in the knowledge we are doing this for me. The well-being feeling is worth all the difficulties experienced up to now. There may have been many or just a few but what matters is have I changed for the good. Have I continued on my journey with a smile and feeling good about me and my life? No matter what the circumstance of the life is it is mine so am I keeping happiness in my view.
For me this month has been a round of doctor’s appointments all trying to figure out what ails me in since I took ill. I am still awaiting the appointment to see Prof Bouloux and had my doctors send another letter to his department to get my appointment. They say they did not receive the original request so be it. I have done a lot more blood tests and so again it sows low testosterone and so I have been reading up on this and the effects on me. Also this delay in seeing the specialists does not help in my daily routine. I am trying not to allow my imagination to run wild and blame all this on the lack of testosterone as the testosterone was ok 1 year ago. They sent me for an MRI to a scanner which if there were two blue moons I would not fit into. I had told all concerned of my size and weight they take notice or just pay lip service to my voicing my concerns for fitting into the scanner. I got to the hospital and like I say above I did not fit in it. The Royal Free knew this and it is why referral was made for an open scanner well this is not an open scanner yes it has a big hole but not big enough. I got one myself by checking around and so then had to have my doctors request the MRI there and so more delay. This scanner is in Harley St., but it is open and big.
I was at the pain clinic as well for the joint pain which can be excruciating most of the time. I was changed onto a new pain killed named Dihydrocodeine 30 mg x8 times per day. This is the maximum dose. I was given for the severe pains when it comes, Severdol 10 mg. That my dear friend is morphine. Not what you want to be taking.
I got totally constipated and more pain because the movicol was not prescribed in time and did I suffer YES I BLOODY WELL DID. Now all is resolved after a few well chosen words with the doctor. I do so dearly hope and wish for is to lose enough weight and gain some fitness where I can reduce the amount of tablets I have to consume on a daily basis.
During this period as well my best friend took ill with cancer returning with viciousness and speed. David passed away with great dignity and peace. I was very happy to have been able to go and spend time with him each day. He had for many years advised me about my weight and the damage I was doing to myself. No-one was more delighted then David when I decided to get on my food regime and exercise programme and when I stuck with it he was overjoyed for me. In his last days he was still encouraging me to stay on the diet and work at it till I reached my goals and that all I was doing would inspire others to do and get well. I await his funeral arrangements. It shows his great character in his own hours of need he was thinking of me. No better friends then that can one have. I was indeed blessed to have been his friend as well as he been mine.
I weighted in at 157.1
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