It would be delightful to write that June was a wonderful month for me and that everything went swimmingly. Sorry the opposite is the truth. I felt unwell on awaking in the beginning of the month on the Friday 5th. I went to bed Thursday night feeling very well and in good form but when I woke it was like the bats of hell were back. I don’t know if any one of you have experienced this but I have and it’s no joke. I never felt so low since commencing this journey in losing weight. I have had very difficult days but always managed a happy smile in bed when the day was done and get on with my new day but today this is totally different and I feel ill in my tummy, headache, and joint pains to beat the band and feeling so low in myself. Just unbelievable my dear friends unbelievable.
I rang my doctors to make an appointment to see my own doctor and so I got one for the Tuesday 9th June not very satisfactory but it seems all surgeries are going like this now. I know by Tuesday I could be dead and all illnesses are now in a way treated as non-urgent it seems to me and this is my own opinion. I had no choice but to wait till then. With feeling so low in energy and power the dieting was not very difficult, what I found was I was unwilling to keep to my regime of the food times and my exercise times. I just wanted to roll over and curl up in bed and be left alone. Family do not allow you to do this. They seem to have a sixth sense about these matters and so I was fed deliciously hot home made diet soup made up of delightful vegetables with a vegetable stock cube in the mix. I must say it was delicious and I don’t know did it taste better because some one else made it or I was just glad to get it. For a few days that is how we carried on each day.
The doctors arranged a series of blood tests. I had to fast for 14 hours before the blood tests which was not difficult really. It does amaze me though that if you have to be told to fast it is hard if not told you can DO IT WITOUT DANCING SHOES ON. The mind is a funny place. A lot is known about it and how it functions but likewise there then is parts of the brain that no-one knows yet what function it is for. It is like you go to bed in good form and you wake in the morning and you feel like death warmed up. The exercise has gone a little by the wayside due to no energy and feeling well very down in myself and not been able to rouse myself out of it. I would like to put a name on it but depression is not applicable, suicide is equally not applicable yet I suppose the best way to describe it is as if you had a very bad ferocious fever.
One moment your hot the next cold sweating then thirsty as hell. This experience is something that I do not wish to go through again. Sadly it lasted for the month. This month was not difficult to loose weight as for most of it I spent in bed. The doctors were mystified by my symptoms and could not figure out what was the matter. I visited my doctors 8 times this month and each occasion was ‘’we don’t know what is the problem as the bloods are all normal’’ Well I can assure them that what ever is happening is happening and I as the person suffering this is not enjoying one bit and that there is a problem and it would be nice if we discovered the problem. Then low and behold on the way home my electric wheelchair broke down and I just blew the fuse.
What next the usual way one goes feeling sorry in my pants for myself and forgetting that these doctors were bending backwards to find an answer. Got home eventually and went into the garden for a good cry. Nothing like a good cry. It clears the cobwebs and makes one feel human and after awhile I composed myself and had a lovely cup of ginger tea. I was been told by my son all would be well and yes I believed him as I know this to be true but for that period of time I did not believe I had lost my all my hope and faith. I was sitting in a beautiful flowered garden which I had done and made with help from my dearest friend Fatmir. But for that period of time I was lost. I could not see the wood from the trees. It just all seemed black with no light at the end of the tunnel.
It is no use I telling you different to how I am as that will not help you should you experience something like this. I do look to each day for my form to return and for me to get back on my exercise regime. The pains are more prominent in my joints and also feel dizzy and ill in my tummy like wanting to vomit. Nothing comes up only bits of bile. I have to go to hospital for some more tests and see if they show can throw any light on my situation.
I weighted in at 163.7
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