The month began with a lot of turmoil in the area of emotions. It is now my considered view that the most dangerous emotion I have is resentment. This can come from many areas in my life but in this particular case it came from a neighbour who snubbed me. I was doing so well in the regime of continuing my juicing with added solid foods for this month of February. I had decided to add solid foods to my diet regime. By solid foods I mean salads and small snacks of pieces of fruit. All went well until I got the resentment which I need to let you know that the emotions, my emotions are under pressure. Why? Is it because of the change of food intake or the changes in the brain chemistry which is receiving all the nutrients it needs and the chemicals are balancing out but I find I have become sensitive to what is said or the action of another. It applies to letters I received as well. While I know I am powerless over people, places and institutions, it seems that I have become sensitive to these.
While in a very bad area in fact in fowl mood I went and cooked a meal of 4 sausages, 4 rashers, 4 hash browns, 2 eggs, beans and tomatoes with four slices of cheese on toast. Eat every bit of it, promptly got sick as I eat it too quick I had gone straight back to old idea’s of thinking someone will take it away from me. God where did those idea’s come from and why in this temper do what I done. Was it I will show you attitude or a self destruct button I hit. The fears then come flowing in and you feel like you have let yourself down and your self worth goes through the floor you feel worthless. I then like I used to do sometimes well most times went straight to bed using language not fit for anyone to hear and a fowl mood that if anyone said anything to me, I would have gone for them. Very sad area to be in.
I went to sleep and after waking up I picked up some courage and connected with some one else I knew who was in dire need to loose 5 stone in weight that’s 31.8 Kilo I am one of these people who will not ask for help or I find it very difficult to ask for help in any given situation. I did address my feelings and my problems as I understood them with him and after awhile I realized that having mutual help which is ‘’we can do it’’ instead of ‘’I can do it’’ was a wonderful breakthrough in my understanding of my own emotions and that together as people we can achieve anything as a unit. I will continue to assist my friend and together we can achieve our aims.
So for you, please find some one else who is in urgent need to loose weight and become lose-it buddies. I am discovering more and more that I need all the help available to me, be it dietician, doctors, physiatrists, physicians what ever person is advantageous to us in loosing weight but above all in continuing to loose weight and to keep it off. This sentence is the most important sentence to etch in your mind.
I am now devoting more time to learning all that I can about my condition and the effects it has not alone on me and my emotions but my family and friends. How I feel has a lot to do with how my day will be. Yet I know I can change how I feel if I step back from the anger, jealousy, ego, pride, stubbornness, lust, impatience and intolerance. Now I am aware of these defects in me I can do something about them.
I continued for most of the days of February in a fairly stable state and I got back on my juicing, smoothies and small food intake regime.
Some times I reflect back over my life, to see how I have endured all these traits of character defects and not realized the punishment I was causing my mind and the stress and strains I was allowing myself to get into.
This month has thought me that ‘’we can do it’’ is far better then ‘’I can do it’’. I know there will be days I will be well able to cope with the food regime, I hate the word dieting in all honesty. I was never successful at dieting before. It is why I use the phrase food regime when I am addressing dieting. For me it is something clear and it stands out as the new me and I invented the phrase for me. Please use it if you find the word diet or dieting difficult to handle. I am aware that changes however minutely help me to keep on my path and while I may veer off it sometimes, I will do my best to get back onto my path quickly and quietly and remain on that path of well been for me. It is my responsibility to keep the body as a temple and to feed it only what is necessary for its welfare. No more and no less then its requirements to live.
I went for my weight in at the hospital and to my own indignations I weighted in at 168.6 Kilo. A continued loss of 3.6 kilo in weight. I immediately changed how I felt when the nurse congratulated me on the continued weight loss and she explained to me that a lot of folk come back for the second month weight in with the weight back on, I found that so sad and I felt for them I usually do not have these feelings for others but somehow today I do.
I became grateful and happy in myself. I had a feeling of let’s march on into March.
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